Richmond Region Final: (3) Kyle Korver vs. (4) Bryant Reeves

Our final matchup of the second round brings us a unique contrast in styles. Sharpshooter Kyle Korver takes on oaf Bryant "Big Country" Reeves to determine the winner of the Richmond Region and who moves on to join an elite quartet in fantastic Farmer City, Illinois. We remind you the votes should be based off of ability to play fundamentally sound basketball, goofiness, upside, and most importantly, token white boy swag. A poll will open up on the right hand column for the next seven days. At the end of the week, the player with more votes obviously moves one step closer to the title.


Kyle Korver
(click for highlight video)
College: Creighton
Years in League: 2003-Present
Teams: 76ers, Jazz, Bulls

You know Kyle Korver is checking in when you hear a loud, high-pitched scream erupt from every woman in attendance. This 6'7 god of a man from Pella, Iowa has become a favorite among white guys everywhere, although probably not as much as he is among white girls. The Ashton Kutcher look alike has made a business knocking down long range shots in the league. A cold blooded shooter, Korver repeatedly knocks down clutch jumpers everywhere he goes, even breaking fellow white boy Steve Kerr's record for three point shooting percentage in a season. And how about the athleticism? Yeah, he's got that covered also. And for his whiteness? His hobbies include ping pong, bowling, horseshoes, croquet, pool, Frisbee golf, and dodgeball. Its not every day you see an Ashton Kutcher look alike who plays Frisbee golf going around breaking NBA records. Enough said, vote Korver.



Bryant Reeves
(highlight video above)
College: Oklahoma State
Years in League: 1995-2001
Teams: Grizzlies

Looking at this guy, it's hard to think that he was once a halfway decent basketball player. Dubbed "Big Country" by a teammate at OSU while traveling on an airplane for the first time ever, Bryant Reeves is one of the whitest men on the planet. As a matter of fact, I'm fairly certain he had never even seen a black person until he got to Oklahoma State. Just like you would expect, he lives on a ranch, got married on a farm, listens to Garth Brooks, and lists hunting and fishing as his favorite hobbies, along with destroying backboards and getting dunked on. Although you wouldn't expect it with his goofy appearance and Bobby Boucher resembling voice, he was actually pretty good until weight problems derailed his career, averaged double digits his first four seasons. Unfortunately, though, Burger King called and Big Country had to answer. Regardless, he is still a god among white people, as his teal Vancouver Grizzlies jerseys often sell for several hundred dollars on eBay. While Big Country never really quite found his home in the NBA, he will always have a home in white guys' hearts.

Mack Region Final: (1) Brent Barry vs. (2) Shawn Bradley

We continue with the Regional final matchups as we head back to the promise land of Mack, OH for this clash of white men. One made his money with aerial attacks, while the other's claim to fame was getting aerial attacked on. The winner heads off to beautiful Farmer City, Illinois to take on the winner of the Richmond, VA Region between Bryant Reeves and Kyle Korver. Just like the 1st round, votes should be based off of ability to play fundamentally sound basketball, goofiness, upside, and most importantly, token white boy swag. A poll will open up on the right hand column for the next seven days. At the end of the week, the player with more votes obviously moves one step closer to the title.


Brent Barry
(click name for highlight video)
College: Oregon St.
Years in League: 1995-2009
Teams: Clippers, Bulls, Heat, Supersonics, Spurs, Rockets

In case you were ignorant enough to not view the above highlight video, please do it. For all you skeptics, Brent is in fact 100% Caucasian and could jump across the Grand Canyon. The fact he won the dunking contest makes him a God of whites, but let's not forget that much like every other decent white man to ever grace the league, Brent could make it purr from long range. Barry defied any and every stereotype about white players with his high flying slams and Pistol Pete Maravich-esque dish outs. I'd go so far as to say Brent may have had too much swag on the court. Off the court...well let's just say his woman is finer than Eva Longoria (just ask Tony Parker). Needless to say, Brent Barry shrines are rampant in Mack. All in all, Brent will always be remembered as the man who played a little role reversal and broke the color barrier for whites to participate in aerial activity in the NBA. All hail!


Shawn Bradley
(click name for highlight video)
College: BYU
Years in League: 1993-2005
Teams: 76ers, Nets, Mavericks

Adjectives used to describe Shawn Bradley: gigantic, bitch, white. The 2nd overall pick in the 1993 draft, Bradley will always be remembered as a poster boy for white players. Measuring in at 7'6" watching him play was nothing short of comedy. While the above highlight video provides a glimpse into that aspect, Shawn also was practically a human fly swatter. Among some of his whitest attributes, Bradley attended Brigham Young University and lists his favorite movie as Dances with the Wolves. As far as swag, nothing does wonders for this quite like a star role in the greatest movie of all-time, Space Jam. While sure people are quick to label Bradley as one of the biggest busts in the history of sports, white men near and far will never be ashamed to salute our gentle giant of a brother.