Farmer City FINAL 4: (1) John Stockton vs. (1) Greg Ostertag

FINALLY! The day has come where the four greatest white NBA journeymen of the past two decades head to Farmer City, Illinois for one final battle to see who is the ultimate poster boy. The first of the two long awaited matchups will feature two Utah Jazz legends. We recommend you throw on a pair of shades for this matchup as it is arguably the whitest of all time. We remind you the votes should be based off of ability to play fundamentally sound basketball, goofiness, upside, and most importantly, token white boy swag. A poll will open up on the right hand column for the next seven days. At the end of the week, the player with more votes obviously moves one step closer to the title.


John Stockton
(click name for highlight video)
College: Gonzaga
Years in League: 1984-2003
Teams: Jazz

Playing his career right around the time that NBA execs realized that they were better off signing athletic black guys, Stockton made a statement to the league that white men were here to stay, thus becoming the godfather of white men in the league. He played his entire career in Utah, and is worshiped all over the state. Visitors can check out his statue in front of Energy Solutions Arena while driving on John Stockton Drive. His pick and rolls with Karl Malone (and occasionally Greg Ostertag) became the essence of fundamentally sound basketball. He also repped Team USA by winning two gold medals for the greatest country ever. Not only was Stockton one of the greatest basketball players ever, but he was arguably the whitest. In the early 90s, Michigan's Fab Five revolutionized the basketball world with their long, baggy shorts. This quickly caught on, and by the middle of the decade, just about everyone in the NBA was wearing them. Not John Stockton. Stockton pulled the ultimate white boy swag move by rocking short shorts long after everyone else went baggy. He was dominating opponents with fundamentally sound basketball while wearing short shorts in the middle of Mormon country. Not sure how you get more white than that.

Shady Springs Region Final: (1) Greg Ostertag vs. (2) Jeff Hornacek

Off to the final of the Shady Springs East Region we go. This matchup is a battle of 1990s Jazz legends in Greg Ostertag and Jeff Hornacek. The winner heads off to beautiful Farmer City, Illinois to take on the winner of the Provo, Utah Region between John Stockton and Chris Mullin. Just like the 1st round, votes should be based off of ability to play fundamentally sound basketball, goofiness, upside, and most importantly, token white boy swag. A poll will open up on the right hand column for the next seven days. At the end of the week, the player with more votes obviously moves one step closer to the title.


Greg Ostertag
(click name for highlight video)
College: Kansas
Years in League: 1995-2005
Teams: Jazz, Kings

Oh. my. goodness. Where to begin with Greg Ostertag. The crafty one seed out of the Shady Springs regional is the first player featured in the tournament who quite frankly swings and misses on the concept of talent. Known around the league as "Postertag" for getting posterized so many times in his career, this 7'2" menace rocked the #00 with pride for the majority of his career alongside many other great whites in Utah. From his laser precision flat top to his tattoo of Fred Flinstone dunking on his calf, Greg Osterag practically screams white. One columnist noted after a game in 1999, "You couldn't slide a credit card under 'Tag's' vertical leap." Off the court, Greg was allegedly just as much of an animal and even landed himself a picture on Playgirl Magazine. Averaging nearly as many turnovers as points throughout his career, Ostertag will be remembered as perhaps the whitest man to not only play in the NBA, but to ever step foot on this earth.



Jeff Hornacek
(click name for highlight video)
College: Iowa State
Years in League: 1986-2000
Teams: Suns, 76ers, Jazz

How white is Jeff Hornacek? Burnside once said that he "looks like the old guy that nobody wants on their church league team." Apparently nobody wanted him on their college team, so the Iowa State Cyclones were lucky enough to have him work off. He made the rest of the country pay though, especially the Miami Redskins, who he beat with an Onions worthy buzzer beater in the NCAA Tournament, and the second seeded Michigan Wolverines, who he knocked off to send the Clones to their first ever Sweet Sixteen. He never really peaked until 1994 when he packed his bags and headed for Salt Lake City. Although Hornacek never could bench press as much as Aaron Carter, he made impact in the league because of his shooting and fundamental play. This even landed him a spot on the Utah Jazz coaching staff once he retired, and some are speculating that he will be named head coach at the end of the year. He once made 67 free throws in a row (each christened with his trademark cheek touch), won the three point contestant twice, and even took home the trophy for the NBA-WNBA Tag Team Two-Ball Challenge along with Natalie Williams of the Utah Starzz (no, that's actually how it was spelled). Straight from farm country to Mormon country, this white boy used fundamentally sound basketball to cement himself as an immortal in Jazz country. Hold on, I think I hear Don "Moose" Lewis calling him up right now.

Shady Springs Region: (1) Greg Ostertag vs (4) Keith Van Horn

On to the East we move as the first matchup of the Shady Springs, WV Region features a clash of two of the absolute whitest big men that have ever graced the league. The winner will advance to play the winner of Wednesday's matchup (#2 Jeff Horncaek vs. #3 Jason Kapono) to determine the winner of the Shady Springs Regional. Once again, we remind you the votes should be based off of ability to play fundamentally sound basketball, goofiness, upside, and most importantly, token white boy swag. A poll will open up on the right hand column for the next seven days. At the end of the week, the player with more votes obviously moves one step closer to the title.


Greg Ostertag
(click name for highlight video)
College: Kansas
Years in League: 1995-2005
Teams: Jazz, Kings

Oh. my. goodness. Where to begin with Greg Ostertag. The crafty one seed out of the Shady Springs regional is the first player featured in the tournament who quite frankly swings and misses on the concept of talent. Known around the league as "Postertag" for getting posterized so many times in his career, this 7'2" menace rocked the #00 with pride for the majority of his career alongside many other great whites in Utah. From his laser precision flat top to his tattoo of Fred Flinstone dunking on his calf, Greg Osterag practically screams white. One columnist noted after a game in 1999, "You couldn't slide a credit card under 'Tag's' vertical leap." Averaging nearly as many turnovers as points throughout his career, Ostertag will be remembered as perhaps the whitest man to not only play in the NBA, but to ever step foot on this earth.



Keith Van Horn
(click name for highlight video)
College: Utah
Years in League: 1997-2008
Teams: Nets, 76ers, Knicks, Bucks, Mavericks

Keith Van Horn is just one of those guys who was born to be a token white guy. He grew up idolizing Billy Cunningham, and he certainly made the Kangaroo Kid proud with the way he played the game. While he never played for the elite teams in the Mormon State (Cougars, Jazz), he did spend his collegiate career at Utah. He was drafted second overall and was a solid player in the league, averaging 16 points and 7 rebounds during his 11 seasons. His most important contribution, though, has to be his socks. Nothing brings out the whiteness in a player more than a good pair of knee highs. He is also known for gracing the cover of NBA Jam '99, which every self respecting person owns. Ever since he was stepped foot on the hardwood, Keith Van Horn- and his socks- did everything necessary to make certain that he would forever be remembered as a white boy legend.

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