Richmond Region Final: (3) Kyle Korver vs. (4) Bryant Reeves

Our final matchup of the second round brings us a unique contrast in styles. Sharpshooter Kyle Korver takes on oaf Bryant "Big Country" Reeves to determine the winner of the Richmond Region and who moves on to join an elite quartet in fantastic Farmer City, Illinois. We remind you the votes should be based off of ability to play fundamentally sound basketball, goofiness, upside, and most importantly, token white boy swag. A poll will open up on the right hand column for the next seven days. At the end of the week, the player with more votes obviously moves one step closer to the title.


Kyle Korver
(click for highlight video)
College: Creighton
Years in League: 2003-Present
Teams: 76ers, Jazz, Bulls

You know Kyle Korver is checking in when you hear a loud, high-pitched scream erupt from every woman in attendance. This 6'7 god of a man from Pella, Iowa has become a favorite among white guys everywhere, although probably not as much as he is among white girls. The Ashton Kutcher look alike has made a business knocking down long range shots in the league. A cold blooded shooter, Korver repeatedly knocks down clutch jumpers everywhere he goes, even breaking fellow white boy Steve Kerr's record for three point shooting percentage in a season. And how about the athleticism? Yeah, he's got that covered also. And for his whiteness? His hobbies include ping pong, bowling, horseshoes, croquet, pool, Frisbee golf, and dodgeball. Its not every day you see an Ashton Kutcher look alike who plays Frisbee golf going around breaking NBA records. Enough said, vote Korver.



Bryant Reeves
(highlight video above)
College: Oklahoma State
Years in League: 1995-2001
Teams: Grizzlies

Looking at this guy, it's hard to think that he was once a halfway decent basketball player. Dubbed "Big Country" by a teammate at OSU while traveling on an airplane for the first time ever, Bryant Reeves is one of the whitest men on the planet. As a matter of fact, I'm fairly certain he had never even seen a black person until he got to Oklahoma State. Just like you would expect, he lives on a ranch, got married on a farm, listens to Garth Brooks, and lists hunting and fishing as his favorite hobbies, along with destroying backboards and getting dunked on. Although you wouldn't expect it with his goofy appearance and Bobby Boucher resembling voice, he was actually pretty good until weight problems derailed his career, averaged double digits his first four seasons. Unfortunately, though, Burger King called and Big Country had to answer. Regardless, he is still a god among white people, as his teal Vancouver Grizzlies jerseys often sell for several hundred dollars on eBay. While Big Country never really quite found his home in the NBA, he will always have a home in white guys' hearts.

Richmond Region: (2) Steve Kerr vs (3) Kyle Korver

Our second matchup in the Richmond-South Regional and FINAL matchup of the entire first round is beyond intriguing. This battle features the 2 most accurate 3-point artists the league has ever seen, and they just so happen to both conveniently be white. We remind you the votes should be based off of ability to play fundamentally sound basketball, goofiness, upside, and most importantly, token white boy swag. A poll will open up on the right hand column for the next seven days. At the end of the week, the player with more votes obviously moves one step closer to the title.

Steve Kerr
(click name for highlight video)
College: Arizona
Years in League: 1988-2003
Teams: Suns, Cavs, Magic, Chicago Bulls, Spurs, Trail Blazers

Long story short, Steve Kerr is an absolute stud. Kerr was minimally recruited out of high school because he "could not jump" and was "two steps slower" than other players his position. Minor details though, Steve had one pure jumper. So pure in fact, he shot .454 from three point range over his career and is the all time leader in three point field goal percentage in NBA history. Additionally, Kerr is a five-time NBA champion, and the only NBA player to win four consecutive championships in the last 30 years. When Steve was 18, his father was assassinated in Beirut. Perhaps this served as motivation for his own assassin's mentality from long range. A lifetime role player, Steve gave white people around the world hope that it is possible to be an undersized, slow, unathletic white guard in the NBA, and he's got 5 rings and NBA record books to prove it.



Kyle Korver
(click for highlight video)
College: Creighton
Years in League: 2003-Present
Teams: 76ers, Jazz, Bulls

You know Kyle Korver is checking in when you hear a loud, high-pitched scream erupt from every woman in attendance. This 6'7 god of a man from Pella, Iowa has become a favorite among white guys everywhere, although probably not as much as he is among white girls. The Ashton Kutcher look alike has made a business knocking down long range shots in the league. A cold blooded shooter, Korver repeatedly knocks down clutch jumpers everywhere he goes. As a matter of fact, last season he broke his opponent Steve Kerr's record for three point shooting percentage in a season. And how about the athleticism? Yeah, he's got that covered also. And for his whiteness? His hobbies include ping pong, bowling, horseshoes, croquet, pool, Frisbee golf, and dodgeball. Its not every day you see an Ashton Kutcher look alike who plays Frisbee golf going around breaking NBA records. Enough said, vote Korver.

The High Energy White Guard, most important player on the court?

Like every other upper class caucasian male watching the Louisville Cardinals topple the number one team in the country, I was drawn to one player: Kyle Kuric. The white sophomore guard who averaged 3.5 points and slightly over 5 minutes per game, came in during the second half and proceeded to score 22 points on 9-11 shooting. He also dove after approximately 105 loose balls and boxed out 78 shooters, most of whom have 5 inches and 40 pounds on him, which brings me to my point. Every basketball team needs to have a high energy white guard.

To quote the great Don "Moose" Lewis, founder of the AABA, white Americans are vital to any basketball team because they "play fundamentally sound basketball, which they enjoy." This could not be more true. Seriously, when was the last time you saw Travis Diener take an ill-advised jumper? White guards run the offense, make solid bounce passes, get a hand in the passing lane, and box out the shooter. Oh yeah, and they generally can shoot, too. But perhaps the most important aspect is the way the crowd gets behind these white guards. After watching Freedom Hall explode after each Kuric basket, I think it is safe to say that the crowd gets 150% more excited when a skinny white guy knocks down a three in front of them. They can relate to these players because of the many similarities. For example, many crowd members chuck up threes all the time in their intramural or rec-league games, often times yelling out "Korver" as they do so. Go ahead, compare crowd noise decibels when Brad Redford knocks down a long range jumper to when Dante Jackson does the same. Just saying. They get the crowd rocking. Think about it, there several reasons why the Lakers won the NBA Championship, none of which involve Kobe or Pau. They are Luke Walton and Sasha Vujacic and Adam Morrison. Even Jordan Farmer is sort of white. Look at the Magic, also. Does anyone honestly think they would've made it to the Finals without JJ Redick? I think the point has been made, so here is a list of top high energy white guards who every team would be lucky to have.

Ben Woodside - the 5'11 guard from North Dakota St really defines the white guard. In the 2009 NCAA Tournament, Woodside scored 37 points for the 14 seed Bison, and nearly single-handily took out Kansas. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QXAgRIwEGS8 Seriously, watch it and then try to argue with me. He is a basketball god.

Matt Carroll - If there is one thing sweeter than a white shooting guard in the NBA, then it is a white shooting guard in the NBA who wears a sleeve. Why else would the Bobcats offer him $4.7 million? Because he he was the D-League MVP? Michael Jordan knows what I'm talking about...

Kyle Korver - Self-explanatory. 875 of his 1,703 career baskets have come from long range. The fans love him. Jerry Sloan benches him if he comes inside the three point line. Enough said.

Jeff Hornacek - A legend among white shooting guards, Hornacek walked on to Iowa St, became an all-conference player, onioned the Miami Redhawks in the 1986 NCAA Tourney, got drafted, traded to the Jazz, and the rest is history.