Shady Springs Region Final: (1) Greg Ostertag vs. (2) Jeff Hornacek

Off to the final of the Shady Springs East Region we go. This matchup is a battle of 1990s Jazz legends in Greg Ostertag and Jeff Hornacek. The winner heads off to beautiful Farmer City, Illinois to take on the winner of the Provo, Utah Region between John Stockton and Chris Mullin. Just like the 1st round, votes should be based off of ability to play fundamentally sound basketball, goofiness, upside, and most importantly, token white boy swag. A poll will open up on the right hand column for the next seven days. At the end of the week, the player with more votes obviously moves one step closer to the title.


Greg Ostertag
(click name for highlight video)
College: Kansas
Years in League: 1995-2005
Teams: Jazz, Kings

Oh. my. goodness. Where to begin with Greg Ostertag. The crafty one seed out of the Shady Springs regional is the first player featured in the tournament who quite frankly swings and misses on the concept of talent. Known around the league as "Postertag" for getting posterized so many times in his career, this 7'2" menace rocked the #00 with pride for the majority of his career alongside many other great whites in Utah. From his laser precision flat top to his tattoo of Fred Flinstone dunking on his calf, Greg Osterag practically screams white. One columnist noted after a game in 1999, "You couldn't slide a credit card under 'Tag's' vertical leap." Off the court, Greg was allegedly just as much of an animal and even landed himself a picture on Playgirl Magazine. Averaging nearly as many turnovers as points throughout his career, Ostertag will be remembered as perhaps the whitest man to not only play in the NBA, but to ever step foot on this earth.



Jeff Hornacek
(click name for highlight video)
College: Iowa State
Years in League: 1986-2000
Teams: Suns, 76ers, Jazz

How white is Jeff Hornacek? Burnside once said that he "looks like the old guy that nobody wants on their church league team." Apparently nobody wanted him on their college team, so the Iowa State Cyclones were lucky enough to have him work off. He made the rest of the country pay though, especially the Miami Redskins, who he beat with an Onions worthy buzzer beater in the NCAA Tournament, and the second seeded Michigan Wolverines, who he knocked off to send the Clones to their first ever Sweet Sixteen. He never really peaked until 1994 when he packed his bags and headed for Salt Lake City. Although Hornacek never could bench press as much as Aaron Carter, he made impact in the league because of his shooting and fundamental play. This even landed him a spot on the Utah Jazz coaching staff once he retired, and some are speculating that he will be named head coach at the end of the year. He once made 67 free throws in a row (each christened with his trademark cheek touch), won the three point contestant twice, and even took home the trophy for the NBA-WNBA Tag Team Two-Ball Challenge along with Natalie Williams of the Utah Starzz (no, that's actually how it was spelled). Straight from farm country to Mormon country, this white boy used fundamentally sound basketball to cement himself as an immortal in Jazz country. Hold on, I think I hear Don "Moose" Lewis calling him up right now.

Shady Springs Region: (2) Jeff Hornacek vs (3) Jason Kapono

Our second mactchup out of the Shady Springs-East Region features a show down between two of the premier sharpshooters of their respective eras. The winner will face either Greg Ostertag or Keith Van Horn in the East Region final. We remind you the votes should be based off of ability to play fundamentally sound basketball, goofiness, upside, and most importantly, token white boy swag. A poll will open up on the right hand column for the next seven days. At the end of the week, the player with more votes obviously moves one step closer to the title.


Jeff Hornacek
(click name for highlight video)
College: Iowa State
Years in League: 1986-2000
Teams: Suns, 76ers, Jazz

How white is Jeff Hornacek? Let's start with the fact that he was a walk-on for the Iowa State Cyclones. His college career was highlighted by an onions worthy game winner against the Miami Redskins, and an upset of second seeded Michigan to send the Clones to the Sweet Sixteen for the first time ever. He never really peaked until 1994 when he packed his bags and headed for Salt Lake City. Although Hornacek never could bench press as much as Aaron Carter, he made impact in the league because of his shooting and fundamental play. He once made 67 free throws in a row (each christened with his trademark cheek touch), won the three point contestant twice, and even took home the trophy for the NBA-WNBA Tag Team Two-Ball Challenge along with Natalie Williams of the Utah Starzz (no, that's actually how it was spelled). Straight from farm country to Mormon country, this white boy used fundamentally sound basketball to cement himself as an immortal in Jazz country. Hold on, I think I hear Don "Moose" Lewis calling him up right now.



Jason Kapono
(click name for highlight video)
College: UCLA
Years In League: 2003-present
Teams: Cavaliers, Bobcats, Heat, Raptors, 76ers

Jason Kaponbro is as silky as they come. Not only is Wedding Crashers his favorite movie and DMB his artist of choice, but the man can stroke from long range like nobody's business. His least favorite activities include stepping inside of the 3-point arc and missing 3-pointers. You want titles? Kapono not only has a ring from his stint with the Heat but he is also a 2 time 3-point champion. He has also elected to rock a headband at various points throughout his career, which, in the right context, adds tremendous amounts of swag to his game. Perhaps the epitome of his whiteness came up last year when Kapono signed with the 76ers. Unable to rep his usually #24 jersey, Kapono pulled the ultimate white move and tripled it as he now dons #72. While Kapono has never put up monster numbers, he has been a fan favorite everyone he's played (including his stint north of the border) and his swan stroke is unrivaled by nearly everyone to have ever played the game of basketball.

That's all...VOTE!!

The High Energy White Guard, most important player on the court?

Like every other upper class caucasian male watching the Louisville Cardinals topple the number one team in the country, I was drawn to one player: Kyle Kuric. The white sophomore guard who averaged 3.5 points and slightly over 5 minutes per game, came in during the second half and proceeded to score 22 points on 9-11 shooting. He also dove after approximately 105 loose balls and boxed out 78 shooters, most of whom have 5 inches and 40 pounds on him, which brings me to my point. Every basketball team needs to have a high energy white guard.

To quote the great Don "Moose" Lewis, founder of the AABA, white Americans are vital to any basketball team because they "play fundamentally sound basketball, which they enjoy." This could not be more true. Seriously, when was the last time you saw Travis Diener take an ill-advised jumper? White guards run the offense, make solid bounce passes, get a hand in the passing lane, and box out the shooter. Oh yeah, and they generally can shoot, too. But perhaps the most important aspect is the way the crowd gets behind these white guards. After watching Freedom Hall explode after each Kuric basket, I think it is safe to say that the crowd gets 150% more excited when a skinny white guy knocks down a three in front of them. They can relate to these players because of the many similarities. For example, many crowd members chuck up threes all the time in their intramural or rec-league games, often times yelling out "Korver" as they do so. Go ahead, compare crowd noise decibels when Brad Redford knocks down a long range jumper to when Dante Jackson does the same. Just saying. They get the crowd rocking. Think about it, there several reasons why the Lakers won the NBA Championship, none of which involve Kobe or Pau. They are Luke Walton and Sasha Vujacic and Adam Morrison. Even Jordan Farmer is sort of white. Look at the Magic, also. Does anyone honestly think they would've made it to the Finals without JJ Redick? I think the point has been made, so here is a list of top high energy white guards who every team would be lucky to have.

Ben Woodside - the 5'11 guard from North Dakota St really defines the white guard. In the 2009 NCAA Tournament, Woodside scored 37 points for the 14 seed Bison, and nearly single-handily took out Kansas. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QXAgRIwEGS8 Seriously, watch it and then try to argue with me. He is a basketball god.

Matt Carroll - If there is one thing sweeter than a white shooting guard in the NBA, then it is a white shooting guard in the NBA who wears a sleeve. Why else would the Bobcats offer him $4.7 million? Because he he was the D-League MVP? Michael Jordan knows what I'm talking about...

Kyle Korver - Self-explanatory. 875 of his 1,703 career baskets have come from long range. The fans love him. Jerry Sloan benches him if he comes inside the three point line. Enough said.

Jeff Hornacek - A legend among white shooting guards, Hornacek walked on to Iowa St, became an all-conference player, onioned the Miami Redhawks in the 1986 NCAA Tourney, got drafted, traded to the Jazz, and the rest is history.