Relentless: The 2011 NBA Draft

While March Madness ranks as my favorite sporting event of the year, the NBA Draft is a very close second. The generic terms, stellar broadcasting crew, and outrageous draft day wardrobes add to the overall upside of the draft. This year is widely considered to be the worst since the Kenyon Martin-Stromile Swift debacle of 2000. Of course Cleveland is lucky enough to pick first in this draft. Jon Barry tells them that "If you believe Kyrie Irving is the best player in the draft, you take him. If it's Derrick Williams, you take him." Uh, thanks Jon. As far as I'm concerned, both of these guys have huge risk factors. Kyrie played well, but he did miss three quarters of the season. Also, is there any doubt that Irving is nowhere near what John Wall was as a prospect? With the way Wall struggled this year, you have to be a little nervous about how he's going to play this year. Williams on the other hand, has a little bit of a Michael Beasley tweener factor going. However, Jay Bilas was quick to mention that his wingspan more than makes up for that.

The next five picks of the draft brought us the foreigner/overvalued guy from Texas who didn't accomplish much in college and won't be very good in the pros phase. The highlights had to be Enes Kanter joining the only team in the league with multiple Turks, and Jan Vesely's girlfriend. You gotta love how after Dirk wins Finals MVP, teams go overboard trying to find his second coming, not realizing that for every Dirk or Tony Parker, there are a dozen Darko Milicics, Pavel Podkolzins, or Nikoloz Tskitishvilis. Kanter is a guy I actually like, though, mainly because of the way white guys thrive in Utah. He's joining a team that already includes Andrei Kirilenko, Mehmet Okur, Kyrylo Fesenko, and Gordon Hayward. On a serious note, I really think that Utah has one of the best collection of bigs in the NBA. They have Al Jefferson (19 pts, 10 reb), Paul Millsap (17 and 8), Mehmet Okur (former all star), Derrick Favors, and Enes Kanter (the last two #3 picks). Pretty solid core to build around. The Raptors snag Lithuanian center Jonas Valanciunas to their global roster that includes players from France, Brazil, Italy, and Spain. Next we get to Jan Vesely, one of my new favorite NBA players. From his kiss to his calling out of Blake Griffin, he is the first European in NBA history to have a personality. Not really sure what he can do on the court, but he will definitely be popular. Bismack Biyombo went 7th to Charlotte despite the fact that he has no offensive skills whatsoever, and nobody knows how old he is. I personally see him as a cross between Hasheem Thabeet and Saer Sene.

Next up is the point guard trio of Brandon Knight, Kemba Walker, and JIMMER. First prediction: Brandon Knight is going to come into the league with a major chip on his shoulder from being passed up in favor of guys named Enes, Tristan, Jonas, and Jan, and will win Rookie of the Year in Detroit. Charlotte grabbed Kemba, which was probably a good pick as they needed someone with proven skills after grabbing the King of Upside, and trading any nearly every decent player on the roster. Jimmer unfortunately will not be playing in Utah, which breaks my heart. His biggest problem will be the culture shock of the California lifestyle, especially if the Kings make the expected move to Anaheim in 2012. For some reason, I can't see Jimmer and Orange County going well together. He'll be in Utah where he belongs in 2 years.

Two of my favorite players in the draft went next at 11 and 12 in Klay Thompson and Alec Burks. Of course it makes no sense for Golden State to pick a sharpshooting two guard, but he is a good player offensively at least. The more I think about it, the Warriors could potentially be the first NBA team in history to average 125 points per game and still have a losing record. The Jazz were unable to get a white guy with their second pick, so at least they got tattoo-less Alec "Not Jimmer" Burks from Colorado.

The rest of the draft was not quite as eventful, but still featured the Morris twins going back to back (including Markieff going to Phoenix, the team that swung and missed on Robin Lopez and Taylor Griffin), Kawhi Leonard (a legitimate future all star who should have gone top 10) getting drafted and traded so IUPUI legend George Hill could return home, the Knicks booing yet another pick, and Jordan Hamilton falling at an Aaron Rodgers-esque pace. Denver got Kenneth "Relentless" Faried, who prompted this Jay Bilas quote: "He's just a relentless player. You can't teach relentless. You don't have to say, Kenneth you need to be more relentless, because he's already so relentless." Relentless. Duke legend Nolan Smith also went to Portland in this range, easily the biggest reach of the draft. You know you made a bad pick when the draft analysts talk about "what a good citizen" he is. Miami went a step further torturing Cavs fans by landing hometown hero Norris Cole from Cleveland St.

All in all, while the caliber of the players in this draft sucked, it was still just as entertaining as ever. Watching future busts get raved about by Jay "Wingspan" Bilas, Dickie V going on 70 second on camera rants from his living room, and Spike Lee booing another busted pick by the Knicks just never gets old. Only 364 days until David Stern gets back up on that podium.

The Custodian Wiping Up Miami

First off congratulations to the Dallas Mavericks. The Heat will surely win several titles before it's all said and done (sorry, Dan Gilbert), but for now it is good to finally get some new(white) blood in championship row. Before I get to my main point of this article I have to say something about Miami and their failures. I thought I covered this last summer, but the reactions from Gilbert and Cleveland just keep getting more pathetic. There has never been a fan base bandwagon on another team like this, but I guess when your city hasn't won a title in decades and surely won't for many more years, you have to live with moral victories like this.

OK, finally for the actual article. I love Dirk and all, but lets be honest. He has no business receiving the Finals MVP Award that clearly should belong to Brian "The Custodian" Cardinal. Obviously pissed about being left out of the Mack Is Berning White Man Tournament, Cardinal came into the playoffs with one goal: To prove that he is the whitest basketball player alive. Appearance is definitely a check as The Custodian trots onto the court everyday sporting a pair of knee pads that were probably designed for roller skaters. Add to that his bald head and general goofy demeanor, and he looks like he would be much more comfortable in a YMCA rec league.

Nicknames are very common in sports, but very rarely does a nickname describe an athlete the way "The Custodian" does for Brian Cardinal. The man does more dirty work than anyone else. I would not be the least surprised to find out that he actually works as a janitor for the Mavericks locker room and arena on the side. He takes charges (or at least tries to), fouls hard, dives after loose balls, and tries to swipe inbound passes. By my calculations, he spends 44 seconds on the floor for every minute he plays, which is tops in the league. In the 2009-2010 season with Minnesota, Cardinal averaged more fouls (1.9) than points (1.7) per game, putting him in an elite club with legends like Greg Ostertag, Manute Bol, and Charles Oakley. This is not even mentioning the energy he puts into cheering when he's not in. Cardinal always sits on the end of the bench with Peja and jumps up and screams every time Shawn Marion deflects a pass out of bounds, or Tyson Chandler grabs a defensive rebound. When the scuffle broke out between Mario Chalmers and DeShawn Stevenson, you know The Custodian was the first one sprinting over to break it up. All that passion, and he stills leads the league in sportsmanship.

I wrote this tribute to Brian Cardinal not only because he is white, but also because I wanted to give credit to guys coming off the bench who are usually overlooked. As a former scout team wide receiver, I identify well with players like them. The depth of the Mavericks was a huge advantage in the series, and without guys like JJ Barea, Ian Mahinmi, and Cardinal stepping up, they would not have won. So when you're watching ESPN and hearing the analysts only talk about Dirk, or maybe ESPN2 with Jemele Hill complaining about how the league rigged the series against the team with more black people, remember that in order to win, you need more than just superstars, and more than just a strong starting five. You need guys like Brian Cardinal.